I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
