I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
