I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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