Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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