i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
