I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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