I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
