If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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