Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
