WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
