Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
