i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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