it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
