Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
