I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
