The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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