We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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