I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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