My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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