the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
