Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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