Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
