Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
