I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
