You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
