I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize