Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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