i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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