I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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