The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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