I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
