it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
