just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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