i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
