The strip club called, they have your shoe.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
