The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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