I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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