We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize