This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Dicks are not precious.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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