she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
