you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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