My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
