got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Did I show you my penis last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
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