Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
