Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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