My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
