You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
