my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Randomize
