recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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