My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
