Are we in a gay sports bar?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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