there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
