Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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