I cannot find my penis.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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