These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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