i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
