i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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