Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
