She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
