I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My bed smells like the plague
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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