I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Randomize
